here we go::

Ya know, one of these days Ill get the hang of this whole regularly scheduled blogging thing.

Meanwhile....

We have a lot of going on right now. So much has happened and will be happening in the next few weeks. Some good-- some bad, but such is life.

You see I have this talent that allows me to ignore, put things out of my mind, put them on the back shelf...you get the idea. If its not something that I can fix or take care of at that time I dont let it stress me out. This usually has served me well over the years, but last month it caught up with me in a big way.

We have a decent savings, but when you have several things that could go up in flames at one time no amount of money makes a difference to me.  Uncertainty got the best of  me and I, as hard as it it to admit, had a panic attack. My first one ever-- sort of, the other one was when I had my eyebrows professionally dyed, but thats another story for another day.  Once recovered I had to lay all my cards on the table and come to terms with everything that I had been ignoring, no thats such a harsh word, everything I had been putting off dealing with.

Things like::

+I love my car, but will today be the day it dies on me?

+Should we sell the home we own, keep renting it out, up the price, stay the same?

+Do we use all of Royals vacation time and a chunk of our savings to go to New Hampshire and see his brother, his wife and their new baby?

+Do we homeschool Chaz again next year or send him to school with a great group of LDS kids from our ward thats ranked a 10?

+If we want Chaz to go to that school we need to move when our lease is up in July, but houses for rent in that area are few and far between.

+So if we cant find a house to rent that we will feel comfortable in for a few years do we just look to leave all together again??

+ Its been...{x years} since we've talked to Royals parents...should we try to reach out again. Have we healed enough for that yet? They are missing out on their grandchildrens lives.

+Speaking of children should we try for another one. Margot is already 2 which means at least a 3 year gap...our largest.

+Why am I so tired? I have no energy...oh thats right Im dealing with a bout of Anemia right now.

These are just some of the headliners--- but Im sure its enough to paint you a picture.

After some talks with Royal we formulated a game plan and he helped me get back on track. He's so patient with me and helps me back up in just the way I need-- 2 parts butt kicking to 1 part mushy husband. We dont have all the answers, but I know that God hears our prayers. I believe that the more we draw closer to him the more we will be blessed. That doesnt mean that its the easiest thing, turning to God. I am stubborn in this department, but the quicker I am to acknowledge him the better I feel; as a daughter of God, wife, and mother.

This past weekend we {Royal} found a home for rent. Not only in the school boundries we were hoping for, but in the development we only dreamt of living in. To top it all off its in our price range and a great house with excellent bones that make it easy to want stay a while; as opposed to moving every year when our lease is up. I love to meet new people and travel. I thrive off of it, but I realized Sunday while I was fasting that what we have here is good. We may long to be elsewhere with all of our hearts...so much so that it hurts sometimes. We are in a good place that will treat us well and we could make great friends if we let ourselves.

I am happy to receive understanding through the Holy Ghost. Its a testament to me that my savior really knows me personally and what I stand in need of. Everyday is a new day to practice relying on him instead of doing it alone and Im grateful that I get the chance to increase my faith.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend:)

xO-Etheline