Thursday, August 15, 2013

in which i spill to have a better night sleep

as you could probably tell I took a break from blogging over the summer. I love it, but it was just on the bottom of the list.

but with school starting back up and new schedules and routines popping up like quizzes I figured it was about time to dive back in. I have things to say and photos to share and the whole nine yards I do, but before I start there I am feeling something tonight and think the only way Im going to be able to stop stressing is to get it off my chest and put it out there--

Im 27 years old, the exact age my fathers mother died of breast cancer. Its a weird feeling for me. this whole year has just haunted me in one way another and I just want to turn 28 already(77days!!) I bring this up because Ive noticed a soreness in the same area over the past few weeks. Its really only sensitive to touch and on a scale of 1 to 10 Id say its a 2 in discomfort/pain but one never knows how these things really start and don't even get me on why. Nonetheless Im still going to call the doctors and have a check up.

This is what I told myself last week and I still haven't called to make an appointment.

Im scared.

Im terrified to do it because once I make the appointment I have to go, and then I have to talk about it, and then they have to figure out if its really something or not.

Now lets take a breath, because the chances of it being nothing are high in my favor...but theres that small chance that my world could change. Right now Im walking around in this absolute blissful state of unawareness, yet some life changing event could be just beyond the horizon.

Right now I am planning our spring break vacation and learning to French braid Margots hair and walking Chaz to the bus stop every morning and his first time at playing soccer is gearing up next week and back to school prek shopping with Richie and considering going back to school to get my degree in English (or history I haven't decided) and cheering Royal on while he's annihilating the IT certification circuit.

I have a life I am actively participating in and its pretty great. I am so thankful for the love that is in my home, but this one phone call could leave me standing at a precipice that changes all of that and Im having a hard time willing myself to take that step.

I just needed to say this "out loud" if you will. I needed to get it off my chest.

Tomorrows the day. The day I make the call.

xO- Etheline

1 comment:

  1. Did you make the call? I sure hope it is nothing and everything is okay, keep us posted. Sounds like you are not homeschooling this year? What made you decide to do public school? I always toy with the idea of homeschooling my kids. Drop me an email and let me know what you thought about it.